While all the other parts are deftly composed, this is my favourite so far, James. The scene is laid out with impeccable clarity, it's exceptionally vivid and I think you've really hit your stride with the alliterative verse, it flows very naturally.
I really liked some of the small touches as well, such as these lines:
Eight were its points. Ancient its purpose.
A semblance of the star that sent the Magi
Chasing the chosen Child of Redemption.
A noble number, known by all
Who heard His homily on holy mount.
The subtle reference to the beatitudes gave the whole scene a sacrality to it, as if the Huntsman upon encountering the sleeping maiden was treading on hallowed and sacred ground.
I did notice a small typo in one of the lines, "Lovely she lay there, lustrous and spelndid,"...I would be remiss if I didn't point it out!
Thanks so much, Thomas! Yes indeed, not strictly necessary for anyone to catch the nod to the beatitudes, but I'm glad you did and not at all surprised! I appreciate the encouragement.
As for the typo, thanks for mentioning! I hate having those things out there in the world.
James this is amazing. I think you are a modern Alfred Lord Tennyson. As Maran said the imagery is strong and, most importantly the story-telling is completely enhanced by the lyricism of your verses. Truly, an epid performance here.
Way too kind, Sandy! I can't hold a candle to Tennyson, but yes I do indeed love his writing. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far. I'd love to get updates out sooner, but alas, I am not a fast writer so I do what I can. Thank you so much for sticking with it!
Ooh, great ending. Your endings to these pieces feel both like a proper end of a section and a cliffhanger that makes me excited for the next piece. The photograph for this one is also really striking - I'm guessing the wood is brown, but it just looks like varying reds.
Thanks very much! And that wood was the most ridiculously polished wood I have ever seen. It took forever to get that kind of photo, too, because stopping to take photographs on the stairs was very much frowned upon. (For safety reasons; it's free to photograph from above and below.) I had to take a few while walking up or down and then hope for the best.
While all the other parts are deftly composed, this is my favourite so far, James. The scene is laid out with impeccable clarity, it's exceptionally vivid and I think you've really hit your stride with the alliterative verse, it flows very naturally.
I really liked some of the small touches as well, such as these lines:
Eight were its points. Ancient its purpose.
A semblance of the star that sent the Magi
Chasing the chosen Child of Redemption.
A noble number, known by all
Who heard His homily on holy mount.
The subtle reference to the beatitudes gave the whole scene a sacrality to it, as if the Huntsman upon encountering the sleeping maiden was treading on hallowed and sacred ground.
I did notice a small typo in one of the lines, "Lovely she lay there, lustrous and spelndid,"...I would be remiss if I didn't point it out!
Thanks so much, Thomas! Yes indeed, not strictly necessary for anyone to catch the nod to the beatitudes, but I'm glad you did and not at all surprised! I appreciate the encouragement.
As for the typo, thanks for mentioning! I hate having those things out there in the world.
This is simply the coolest. As immersive as it is poetic. I gladly read this twice! And will gladly read it again.
Once again, I am gripped by how well the sense of a clearly defined physical space is, in the poetry.
"Below the bed’s lattices lay her slippers.
On the rightmost was written a royal surname.
On the leftmost, a lady’s, listed above
A pattern completed by the pair once aligned."
What could have been a simple observation instead becomes poetry. Awesome!
I'm so glad you took it that way, Hasse! It took awhile to try to get right so I'm glad you found it worthwhile. Thanks so much for following along.
James this is amazing. I think you are a modern Alfred Lord Tennyson. As Maran said the imagery is strong and, most importantly the story-telling is completely enhanced by the lyricism of your verses. Truly, an epid performance here.
Way too kind, Sandy! I can't hold a candle to Tennyson, but yes I do indeed love his writing. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far. I'd love to get updates out sooner, but alas, I am not a fast writer so I do what I can. Thank you so much for sticking with it!
Absolutely. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to keep plotting my own writing; I can only imagine the difficulty when you're doing it in poetry.
The imagery is strong. I was in that room!
I really appreciate that, Marian! I sat with this part for quite awhile, trying to get it right in that regard.
Ooh, great ending. Your endings to these pieces feel both like a proper end of a section and a cliffhanger that makes me excited for the next piece. The photograph for this one is also really striking - I'm guessing the wood is brown, but it just looks like varying reds.
Thanks very much! And that wood was the most ridiculously polished wood I have ever seen. It took forever to get that kind of photo, too, because stopping to take photographs on the stairs was very much frowned upon. (For safety reasons; it's free to photograph from above and below.) I had to take a few while walking up or down and then hope for the best.